Stereotypes of a UWI student

I had the opportunity of being featured on Trinistarrfyre’s blog. Take a look at my post

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I was walking through Port-of-Spain one day and I saw one of my old friends whom I had not seen for years We were catching up and he asked me what I was currently doing. I then replied that I now attend UWI St Augustine in my second year. When he heared I attend UWI, he automatically labelled me as a limer. I then and there had to “put him in his place” and let him know that yes I “lime” occasionally but I am not just a “typical” UWI student. I know what I want in life so therefore I balance my social life with my school life. He then tried to justify his statement by saying “well I know how allya UWI students like to lime.” That is when I grew an interest for Trinistarrfyre’s theme of her blog since I actually faced being stereotyped.

So  I am pretty sure that  everyone…

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Social Network A Medium for Communication and Ruining Relationships??

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Has Social Network evolved into a seemingly easier, less psychotic way to “stalk” or keep tabs on your significant other? This blog will explore how this has been happening with particular reference to Facebook.

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A friend once mentioned that the guy she’s been dating for almost 5 months sent her a “relationship status request” on Facebook. Now this isn’t the simple “In a relationship <3” this is the “In a relationship with…..” Her excitement was uncontainable to say the least. She expressed how much she liked him and enjoyed how he’d like her photos and status and write on her wall, unlike her ex-boyfriend. With the most quizzical look on my face I contemplated if this was the “big ask” to be in a relationship, since he’d never asked her in ‘real life’. Why would she be so excited to think asking one to be in a committed and real relationship would come from sending a request via Facebook? This sparked my interest in the topic of this blog which deals with ‘The Impacts of Social Media on Relationship’

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Rhea’s blog, TriniAdvice has had a great impact on me from the very first blog she published, because I’ve seen how technology and Social Network quickly became a tool that’s now a necessity in some relationships. More and more persons demonstrate a need to publicize their relationships through Social Network, which has proven to be problematic.

 

DTR- Defining The Relationship

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Individuals feel the need to publicly announce and ‘DTR’  via Facebook. As Triniadvice mentioned in an earlier blog post one of these reasons to publicize one’s relationship is due to security reasons. One of the partners in the relationship (mainly the female) believe that their boyfriend refuse to change their relationship status because they want to flirt and pursue other girls. By having such deep-rooted doubts the insistent request or continued demand to have the relationship status changed and set to public becomes a foundation where trust is expected to sprout from.

“Let the world know you love me”

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Many times I’ve heard friends of mine say that if their significant other isn’t publicizing their emotions through photos together (with those unnecessary cliché captions) or writing on their walls , they don’t really love them or have something to hide or are ashamed of them. This is extremely unhealthy idea to judge someone’s feelings off of.

The Green Monster

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Let’s talk about jealousy. Jealousy is one of the strongest emotions anyone in a relationship can feel. That burning desire to protect what’s yours when someone seems to be coming on too strong can send fireworks shooting when the issue is confronted. This usually occurs when someone is “poking” your significant other too much, liking or commenting on your significant other’s every status and photos and those flirtatious virtual winks and kisses that make your blood boil with territorial emotions.

“Your location determines that you just lied”

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Also with the upgrades on Facebook, persons can see the location where messages are being sent. Talk about being able to easily stalk your significant other and see if they’re lying when you ask “Babe, where are you?” and they say by their mom and then you reply, “Your mom doesn’t live in Chaguanas -_- ?!! Why are you there?”… Followed by the awkward silence and long excuses of course

Fairytale or just a Tale?

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There’s that innate desire to create the idealistic virtual reality that you have a fairytale relationship. By publishing every single aspect of your relationship and posting those obvious planned photos of you and your significant other, you try to sell the image of happiness and perfection when in truth and fact it’s only just a façade.

Shape up or Ship out!

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Let’s not speak about sharing those “I deserve better” or suggestive post-argument posts after an argument or breakup. This is sure to give your “friends” an insight that there’s trouble in the paradise you let people believe. By playing the victim card and trying to make your significant other feel guilty by seeing your friends empower you with words of encouragement like “If they don’t appreciate you, leave” it becomes difficult to sort out your problems as there is an overwhelming amount of outside opinions. This often ends up backfiring when you reconcile with your loved one, as friends now see your relationship as nothing more than a public show.

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Although Social Media has benefits of being able to keep in contact, it has had a lot of negative impacts on relationships as we have been seeing through the past blog entries.

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According to Liana Statenstein, “Social media is a virtual platform based on how we want the world to perceive us — from profile picture angles to witty updates — it is not an actual reality.” It would be a great benefit to both parties in the relationship if their issues and happiness was not shared with social media but instead kept and appreciated between them.

Hope you guys enjoyed my guest blogger Trinisarrfyre. To view some more of her posts on Stereotypes you can have a vist on her page: https://trinistarrfyre.wordpress.com/

REFERENCES:

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/a9035/facebook-is-ruining-your-relationship/

GENDER DIFFERENCES IN SOCIAL MEDIA AND RELATIONSHIPS PART 2: Different types of men and women seen online

As im sure many of you have at some point engage in online dating whether it’s on dating websites or someone you met on Facebook. Most times these types of relationships don’t work. Simply because these persons may not always be the person you think they are.According to Thong and Walter 2011, many individuals exploit the features on social media to make their best impression to attract attention to themselves. Most of the times, the people who they may seem to be online are not always who they really are.However sometimes they are exactly what they seem to be online as well.Beware, there will be several types of men and women that you may encounter online:

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1.     The profile pro aka “pretty boy vs The “models”:

This first type is very similar to each other. These are the guys and girls with the model like pictures who tend to have revealing pictures (especially the girls), the thousands of likes and comments on the page and the tons of friends.

If you are wondering about this type, usually they are very attractive so there will be a lot of competition waiting in line for this type of guy or girl.

2.     The heart-broken boy vs The heartbroken girl:

This is the type that is just getting over their ex and are usually nice until they realise you are trying to pursue them. Everyone has had some point where they were heart-broken and had tons of trust issues and insecurities about anyone that is pursuing them. You can usually spot this type by the touchy statuses and quotes about being betrayed.

Be careful falling for this type because they aren’t emotionally  available for a relationship. Just be their friend and don’t force them into a relationship that they clearly aren’t ready for.

3.The “clingy” guy vs The “clingy” girls:

This type is very nice and friendly, however they get attached really quickly. If they begin having interests for you they usually message you everyday and every hour, comments on all your posts and likes all your pictures. This type is the one that smothers you with attention and gets jealous if you talk to any other guy or girl. Creepy!!

I know I don’t have to warn you about this type, since they are very overwhelming and possessive.

4.The taken guy vs The taken girl:

Well this type is self-explanatory. This guy or girl is taken and can usually be spotted by a relationship status or pictures of themselves and their partners.

Beware of this type as well. You may assume that a “taken” person wont pursue you but some do. Usually they would tell you that they are planning on breaking up with their boyfriend or girlfriend or they are having problems in their relationship. Dont fall for this trap! Do not get involved with anyone who has someone already. A relationship resolves around two people and two people alone! The only third person that should be in a relationship is God the Almighty! Can i get a Amen!

5. The ex boyfriend vs the ex girlfriend.

Usually at some point, you ex comes back at you and claims that they miss you and they have been thinking about you a lot lately.

Do not fall for this. Your ex is your ex for a reason! After x is y. As in why did i date you. Usually your ex comes back when they are having problems in their previous relationship and comes back to you simply because they know you all had something in the past. I can assure you that they will leave again once things get back on track with their lover. Leave whats in the past in the past!

6.Single daddies vs The baby mamma’s:

Well as you can tell these are the ladies and gents who have children. You can spot this type with pictures of their children and statuses about their children.

Now, don’t get me wrong, im not saying that this type is not good for you or are bad people, but, be aware that they do have responsibilities as well as they would have interactions with their child’s father or mother. It’s all up to you if you can handle this type of relationship.

7. The guy who always in a party vs the girl who always in a party:

This is also self-explanatory. This type of guy or girl are the very social types. They are seen with pictures in nearly every event. They have a lot of friends and are very popular

Beware of this type. They are very social, as such they may be friendly with others. Also youmay  want a partner who you can have a good time with but also you need someone who knows what they want in life and are ambitious and in my experience , going parties every weekend wont get you there.

8. The guys with the long names vs the girls with the long names”

I am sure that every “Trini” knows about this type. You can spot them with names such as Sweetdarkiepreetygyaltrinisexiliciousdimplez or wetmangangsterforlifehotboykevin.

So whats wrong with this type? Well, in my opinion they are usually very immature and don’t know what they want in life. I mean, why can’t you put your real name?

9. The corporate/ ambitious/gym junkie guy vs the corporate/ambitious/fit for life girl:

These types are the ones who are usually working hard, studying at university, knows what they want to be in life and are determined to be healthy successful and rich. You can spot these with the statuses with being tired from work or school or with the gym pics.

So you may be wondering whats wrong with this type. Well nothing really they are on the right track but basically they don’t have time for a relationship at this moment. Usually they are always busy and are very picky about who their special someone will be simply because they want someone who is on the same track with them.So if you are pursuing this type, my advice is to have a lot of patience.

10. The nice guy vs the nice girl:

These types are just ordinary guys and girls who are ambitious and wants someone to share their life with. These people are the ones who are emotionally ready for a relationship.There is not really a specific way to spot them but when u encounter one you will know.

So basically this type are emotionally ready for a relationship, nice people , funny, down to earth and rare. So if you meet someone like this online then good for you.

There are many types of people in which u may meet online, people of different nationalities, personalities and races and they are all beautiful in their own way. If you feel offended in any way by this post I meant no harm and no im not being stereotypical. Please take note that you should not judge a book by its cover but for what is seen on the inside. 🙂

Take a look at these videos. It’s videos about a social experiment where a girl and a guy pretends to be fat when meeting people they were talking to online.

Gender differences in social media and relationships Part 1: How men and women see the importance of social media in relationships

Its been said that women use social media more than men. Men use social media mainly for business purposes and dating while women use social media to keep in touch with friends and family, for entertainment, for sharing purposes via photos or blogging and for knowledge to learn things about their various interests. According to the Pew research center  http://www.pewinternet.org/fact-sheets/social-networking-fact-sheet/, women use social media more than men. In seeing these statistics I have always wondered how men view social media in relationships differently to women. As such I asked five males and five females the same six questions on social media in relationships to see their differences in response. So these were the six questions:

  1. After a break up do you cut all ties with that person on social media sites?
  2. Do you snoop on your significant other’s facebook or instagram or any other social site?
  3. Do you posts pictures or statuses about you significant other when you are in disagreement on social sites?
  4. What activities done by your significant other on social media sites, do you not tolerate?
  5. Do you think social media is beneficial to your relationship?
  6. Do you think it is necessary to post your relationship online?

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Some of the results were similar while some were a bit different. Generally these were the responses from the men and women.

  1. After a break up do you cut all ties with that person on social media sites? twitter-relationships

Three out of the five males said that they cut ties with their ex. They believed that if they are no longer in a relationship with you they don’t see the need to have you on social media since that will just remind them of their past relationship. One said that they don’t mind having them on social media. It’s not necessarily that they keep in touch with them but they don’t see it as an issue to have them on Facebook or instagram. The other one said that it is dependent on how the relationship ended.

The females however, majority of them said that they cut all ties simply because constantly seeing your ex partner online will not help the process of getting over them.

2.  Do you snoop on your significant other’s facebook or instagram or any other social site?

Majority of the males said that they don’t snoop as much as their girlfriends would but they do it occasionally. If they notice their girlfriend is too friendly with a guy or if they are suspecting something then they would snoop.

The females however, said that they do it constantly because many of them have a hard time trusting their significant others and trusting their female friends.

3. Do you posts pictures or statuses about you significant other when you are in disagreement on social sites?

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All of the guys said that they do post some form of status or image on facebook when they are in an argument with their significant other but not at all times, it is dependent on the situation.

The females also said they do it however very rarely since they believe that relationships should be based on the people in the relationship itself and not for the public viewing.

4. What activities done by your significant other on social media sites, do you not tolerate?

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All the guys said they do not tolerate when their girlfriend is to friendly with another guy or flirting with another guy. Also all said that they do not like when their significant other posts revealing pictures online.

The girls however said that they do not tolerate their boyfriends’ talking to other girls online to friendly and too much. They also didn’t like when their partners posts pictures of other girls online and like and comment on other girls pictures too often.

5. Do you think social media is beneficial to your relationship?

All the guys said that they do believe social media is important to relationships but to an extent.

The girls also said it was important since it aids in them keeping an eye on their mates as well as keeping in touch with them.

6. Do you think it is necessary to post your relationship online?

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All the guys said no it is not necessary however they wouldn’t mind putting it to please their girlfriends’.

Two girls said yes it is necessary while the majority being three girls said no it is not necessary.

Basically, the responses from both the males and the females were similar however it was evident that the females were more affected by social media in their relationships. They had more insecurities than the males did with their significant others being on social media websites.However for both the males and females, a lot of jealousy occurred due to the presence of social media in their relationships. Rachel Elphinston and Patricia Noller stated that“individuals who are more highly involved with Facebook may have relationship difficulties such as jealousy and dissatisfaction. They believed that the amount of time spent on Facebook would determine jealousy.” Due to this era of technology, the way people view relationships have changed. as a result of this, if you want a long-lasting, happy relationship, less social media will be better for your romantic relationship.

Take a read at this article on how social media effects relationships:http://www.yourtango.com/experts/christy-goldstein/social-media-and-dating

Positive impacts of social media on our Society, relationships and the self

On my previous posts i have been “ranting” about the negative impacts that social media has on relationships, society and ourselves. However on the contrary, today I will be focusing more on the positive side to social Media. Social media often gets criticized for the negative side to it however no one ever given social media the credit for the positive aspects of Social media in relationships. Persons often have bad experiences on social media simply because they misuse or are to careless themselves online. If technology was used for merely just the purpose it was invented for, these bad experiences would be minimized.

images (2)Social Media has had positive impacts in several ways:

  • Helps children and teens gain social and technological skills in the digital age we live in.
  • Social media facilitates a more sociable society.
  • Important in maintaining long distance relationships.
  • It accommodates people to express their views and opinions.
  • Social media helps in the aid of businesses through advertising on social media sites.
  • Social media helps news to travel over the globe in little time.
  • Helps people to make friends easier.
  • Social media allows for forums and advice for people going through similar situations.

So as you can see social media has a lot of positive impacts towards ourselves our relationships and society as a whole. Social media’s main purpose was a place to connect with friends and family, especially if they live far away.It is also helpful in making new friends and even relationships.According to D’Amico 1998,the internet has become a prime venue for social interaction. As a result of this many people are forming relationships with online friends. It also aids in the maintainance of long-term relationships.https://triniadvice.wordpress.com/2015/02/23/technology-and-social-media-on-long-term-relationships/

Social media also provided a place where people can share their views , opinions or vent their feelings online. This helps make people feel better with themselves because their friends online can sympathize with them and can also share experiences they are facing. This then makes the individual feel better since they won’t feel as though they are alone with the situation. Due to the anonymity of internet interactions or posts, people feel comfortable posting their feelings, experiences beliefs and emotional reactions since their will be less fair of disapproval or negative appraisal (Mc Kenna & Bargh (1999-2000).

Social media also assists businesses in advertising their products or services online. People are now able to purchase items online and this can also be done on social media sites. Social media also aids in the transmission of news effectively and quickly. With matters that needs to be transferred to a large population quickly, social media sites are the best place to relay a message.

It is evident that social media is a magnificent creation that has done so much for our society. It has open new pathways for amazing things. However if misused, it wouldn’t be so  great. So to  avoid any bad experiences, my advice is to be careful of the things you post online or who you interact with online and post positive things online to make your online experiences a pleasant one.

Social media affects on intrapersonal relationships and the “self”: self esteem, self worth, self belonging, self image and self concept

Social media have not only changed the way we communicate with each other but it also changes the way we see ourselves. Social media has been around for many years now where people all around the world are accessible to everything that is placed online. It allows people to shop online, communicate with people thousands of miles away and basically share parts of our lives and general information with the world. Social media is such a magnificent creation but is it really? It has changed the way we interact both interpersonal (with others) and intra personally (with ourselves). Social media affects the self. 

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An intrapersonal relationship is an individual’s internal use of language or thought. This form of communicating contains a sender, a receiver and a feedback loop. This form of communication is for the mere purpose of clarifying ideas or analysing situations that occur in the external world.Interpersonal communication is associated with many aspects of the self.

  • Self esteem
  • Self worth                    images
  • Self belonging
  • Self image
  • Self concept

All these aspects of intrapersonal communication are being affected by the constant use of social media. It affects the way we perceive ourselves.

♦ Self esteem can be described as a person’s overall view of themselves.Self esteem involves a variety of beliefs about the self such as ones view of their physical appearance, beliefs, emotions, values and belonging.According to Abraham Marslow’s hierarchy of needs, which sees self-esteem as a major human motivator, suggests that people’s self-esteem are arrived and needed from both themselves and from other people. However, there are people with high self-esteem and low self-esteem. People with high self-esteem are those who think great things of them selves as oppose to someone with low self-esteem who thinks little of themselves. Peoples self-esteem are affected everyday from social media. Social media affects ones self-esteem since it paints a concept of what a perfect woman or man should be. Due to this belief people who do not fit into this ideology of a perfect being ultimately feel low of themselves affecting the self: self belonging, self concept, self-image and self-worth.

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♦Self belonging: Social media affects your mood and real world interactions. This occurs when you feel a sense of anxiety or you feel lonely or angry if you aren’t able to be accessible to some form of social media.It affects our sense of belonging if we are not able to have conversations online. Those who do not use social media too are affected by social media since they feel left out of the social world.

♦Self worth & self concept: these are the beliefs you hold of yourself due to the perception of others. It is clear that most of the social websites seen online are of some form associated with ones popularity and effect that we have on other people on the online community. These are seen with the numbers of friends or followers you may have or the amount of likes or comments you may get on a picture. The sad truth is, the amount of followers we have and the amount of likes we get on a picture are important to us. Having 100 likes on our picture makes us feel good. So imagine only having 15 likes or having someone with a picture with more likes than you. It heavily affects your feeling of being worth something. It changes your concept of yourself since you feel as though you aren’t good enough. The sad thing is people would do anything to feel accepted online and this brings us to self-image.

♦Self-image:                                                                         hqdefault

The effects social media has on our body image is so prominent these days. The images seen online are so close to perfect that we feel as though we aren’t beautiful or attractive. As a result of this we try our bests to look like these perfect women that we see online . With the tons of make up, the hair extensions, the filters and the editing just to fit in. However people need to come to the realization that these women that we see online are not perfect themselves. They too are altered to appear as that perfectly shaped beautiful woman.

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So my internet users do not be fooled by these images we see online. Everything is not what it seems. I think we should embrace our natural state because we are all beautiful in our own way. Stop trying to fit in and be okay with just being you. I for one am proud of who I am and I am not ashamed of the body that i am in. I have no care to fit in. The excess makeup, extensions and filters aren’t always needed. Be you and try to embrace your natural self.

Idare you all to take a week off of putting any filters on your pictures and from wearing weave and make up and embracing your natural beauty.
You are beautiful in the eyes of the beholder.

So before I close, I have a proposal. I dare all you beautiful ladies reading this to take a week off of filters, weave and make up and embrace your natural beauty and show the world what you really look like.

Electronic Fishing: Dairies of how to catch a CATFISH

Ever went fishing and absolutely no fish will bite the bait?. Well the electronic catfish, is pretty easy to catch. They go looking for the hook to be caught. Catfish is the act of luring someone into a relationship by adopting a fictional online persona. So I am pretty sure a lot of you guys are aware of the Mtv reality series called Catfish. It’s a show about the truths and lies of online dating. The series is based on the 2010 film Catfish and is co-hosted by Nev Schulman and Max Joseph. At some point in our lives you will come across someone you’ve seen or met online or even heard about who has a fake profile and is impersonating someone who they either just saw online and decided to pretend to be them or someone they know personally and is trying to sabotage them.

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Today’s post will discuss how these occurrences affect our relationships. Ever been in a relationship with someone who is not who they say they are? What would you do? Would you still talk to them? Would you still be in the relationship even after you see the real person?.

These are the burning questions that you may ask yourself if you ever have to deal with a situation like this. Social media has become such an important part in people’s lives that we use social media to find friends, girlfriends, boyfriends even our soul mates. This may work out wonderfully for those shy individuals who just have a hard time socializing with people in real life.

People “catfish” for many reasons:

  1. To gain revenge over someone.
  2. To play a harmless trick on people
  3. To find love through the image of someone else.
  4. To sabotage someone for economic reasons.
  5. To check up on , spy on and to test the infidelity of your romantic partner.

The main reason  people create fake profiles are those who are insecure about themselves and who has a low self-esteem. They create these profiles to feel better about themselves and can show the world who they really are inside but with a different physical image.  Young people create a virtual identity in which they fashioned an ideal self so that they would impress others. This method of improving social capital and appearance boost one’s self-concept and self-esteem in both the online and the real world (Urista et al., 2009). Many individuals, especially seen in teens, create these fake profiles to gain friends and to seem “cool” online.

However on the other hand some people purposely create these profiles simply to play a trick on someone, either to gain economically from them or just for a laugh. Some uses fake profiles to test their partners to see if they are being faithful. As such they create a profile with an attractive male or female to interact with their partner and flirt with them to see their responses.

These reasons to create fake profiles however are very dangerous and can also lead to devastating heart ache and can ruin a friendship or relationship. If someone realises that the person who they were talking to and supposedly fond of aren’t who they say they are, they would definitely want to terminate that friendship. If not termination then I am pretty sure you won’t be as close with them as before.

The people who create fake profiles to test their partners fidelity, well I think that is even worst. Relationships should be based on trust and if you have to create a fake profile to see if your partner is being loyal to you then you need to think over why you are really in that relationship in the first place. Also you shouldnt go looking for reasons to be unhappy. you are basically pushing someone at you partner. Now think about it. If your partner falls for the bait and is showing some form of infidelity, you would be heart-broken. So why go looking for a problem in your relationship. If you didn’t create that profile, your relationship would be just fine. It would be even worst if your partner found out that you created a profile to test their loyalty.

I’m no expert but take my little advice. Don’t create these fake profiles, it would only end in a bad experience. Trust your partner and try not to go looking for trouble and for those of you with low self-esteem, try to be yourself and see good in yourself. Stop letting people’s perception of you ruin your life. Love yourself for who you are. You don’t need to create a fake profile to show your true self. We are all beautiful in our own way. Embrace being you 🙂

Just a few tips to know whether you may be being catfished:

  • Does any one tag them in pictures with themselves with other people?
  • If their profile picture is too good to be true. ( Most times they use pictures of celebrities and models.)
  • Do they have very little photographs and none are taken with family of friends.
  • Are they always making excuses to why you can’t see them or skype  with them?
  • Have you ever been asked for money or asked you for your credit card number or any other personal information?

If you notice any of these, then you may be getting catfish. Sometimes it may be very hard to tell if someone is real or not but be carefull because you do not know who you are talking to and sharing your personal information with. If you find someone suspicious, ask them to take a picture of themselves holding up your name,drag and drop their photo unto google and see what comes up. You can also google their names or ask some of their friends if they know them personally.

If you are looking for love or friends, the internet is not always the best place to look because though there are plenty fish in the sea you might just catch a catfish!

For those book lovers check out the book Kayla Star, “Indecent Seduction.

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This book is about a broken-hearted woman, whose husband of eight years, walks out on her and seek comfort with an italian man whom she met online. Although they speak on skype, he always has an excuse to why she can’t see him. Though she is frustrated by this she fell for his charm. Is he really who he says he is?

No, I’m not being bias . I have something for those of you who aren’t into the reading thing.

The boy she met online

Trini Advice